Two years ago today…
I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life…I chose to end a pregnancy.
The baby I had worked sooo hard for and had wanted so much had a chromosomal defect called Trisomy 18.
Even though I had weekly ultrasounds and genetic testing…they didn’t find this defect until I was 20 weeks pregnant.
My baby, Nathan, would have only lived a few minutes had he made it to term.
He would have been in pain.
I felt the only choice I had, as his mother, was to make sure that I did what was right FOR HIM, and for my family, even though it would break my heart and my spirit.
I spent 26 hours in the hospital.
I was in pain both physically and mentally.
I could feel him kick as we rolled into the operating room to end his life.
But I knew I was doing the right thing.
And I’m thankful that I had the right to choose what was right for me.
I firmly believe that we all have choices we make in life. We choose one way or another and certain consequences happen.
I had to make a choice to rise up from the lowest point of my life and survive and go on…for myself and my family.
This road we unwillingly went down has led us to one of the biggest and most important decisions of our life…to adopt.
I can’t say that if Nathan, or Samuel who died just 9 months before him, had survived, if we’d be about to add this beautiful little girl from China to our lives.
But I’m here to tell you that no matter how bad things get or how low you feel, you have a choice.
You can find happiness, but you must choose it.